Hiring in the Kafka universe of BigCorp: a play in infinite acts

Ever wondered why it takes so long for a company to get around to deciding whether to hire you?

The typical hiring “process” as I’ve observed it from inside the belly of two beasts (Microsoft and Intel – though I gather this is typical of most large, and many small, companies):

  • “yeah, we’ve got two heads requested, has to get through Mid-Year Budget Adjustment Review Fuckup”
  • “update? Yeah, MYBARF is taking a little longer than usual, but I’m hearing we’re likely to get the heads, so I’ve started drafting the job req”
  • “new emergency project announced – I’ll be heads-down for a few weeks with my key engineer – BTW we lost one of he heads to another project, last one isn’t approved yet”
  • “yeah, MYBARF got approved last month but the open head is still under negotiation”
  • “OK the head is approved – I lost the draft req, could someone volunteer to write one up for me?”
  • “HR had some feedback on the req language”
  • “we posted the req”
  • “I’ll have time to review resumes from HR in a week”
  • “HR has no idea how to screen for this job so I had to reject the initial batch of resumes”
  • “OK, I’ll have time to phone screen starting next week”
  • “I haven’t seen any mind-blowing candidates yet so I’m talking to HR *again* about my expectations”
  • “Can you do a tech screen tomorrow morning between 7:30 and 8:15? That’s the only time one candidate has for us to talk…”
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